Einstein, Travel, and the Fountain of Youth

Ok, maybe a little over dramatic in that title, but I can prove travel lets you live LONGER.  No one in their right mind would argue against the countless positive effects of travel.  Vacation, exploration, a healthy broadening of one’s world view.  All great things for the soul.  Like having a dog, these things improve lifestyle, but are intangible and won’t tell you how many minutes of extra life you get.  I believe the Theory of Relativity proves bouncing around as much as possible literally slows down your life clock, adding a countable amount of time to your life.

I’ll try to get through the boring stuff quick.  Ok, Einstein’s Theory of Relativity is obviously confusing for us mortals, but after reading some books from Brian Greene a while back, certain aspects kind-of stuck.  The one I’m talking about deals with the idea that time is relative (aka personal).  He says everyone, and everything, experiences time slightly different.

Remember when Doc talked about the “space-time continuum” in Back to the Future, whelp turns out its a real “thing”.  One of Einstein’s breakthrough thoughts was that Time and Space are one connected thing, with inverse affects on each other.  Basically, Time and Space are having a tug of war and Energy is the rope.  The more Energy-rope Space has on it’s side, the less Time does, and vice versa.  Specifically, Einstein said the faster you move through Space (the more energy Space gets), the slower Time will go by (the less energy Time gets).  He theorized that if a guy and girl synchronize their Swatches on earth, and the girl blasts off at the speed of light for a round trip around the earth, the girl will return to the guy her Swatch considerably behind the guy’s.

I know what you’re thinking.  “Ok asshole, ‘traveling speed of light’, blasting off into outer space?  You are a bored nerd, and that has nothing to do with real life.”.  But here’s the fucked up part.  After Einstein was dead, we starting developing more technology to test this stuff.  In ’71 two guys flew atomic clocks around the world that were synced with other atomic clocks on the ground, in commercial airplanes like the ones at JFK.  When they checked the clocks after the flight the eastbound clocks had ticked by slower, adding time to anything on the flight (the stupid spin of the earth makes this not work as well going westbound).  Another thing this experiment proved was that the higher up one is (less gravitational pull), the slower time went.  Here’s an article from just 2010, where they prove the height part, and mention the plane tests.


SO!  Enough of that.  Here is my thought experiment.  The more you travel, the more and faster you move through space.  Just walking down the block, according to the theory, your time is moving a slight bit slower that someone standing still.  Of course these are SUPER tiny portions of time, but I say what the hell.  Every time you get on a plane and fly you just earned maybe a fraction of a portion of a bit of a nanosecond, but a fraction saved is a fraction earned right?  All things being equal, the Rambling Man gets more time than the Stagnant Fuck, no matter if it’s arguably small.  Every flight, train ride, road trip, adds to your “Time Account”.  You climb a mountain?  You get the benefit of moving through space, AND being higher up from the gravitational pull for a bit; both time-slower-downers.  Hop a flight to the moon with Branson, and you’ll get Direct TV and WiFi, plus you’ll be gaining serious minutes in your life.  That beats Frequent Flyer points for sure.  Not only is traveling the world fun, but turns out it slows down your clock, literally.  If you never stop moving, and the faster you move, I believe you are earning more Time according to Einstein.  And if Einstein said so, it must be true.

Ponce de Leon famously searched the New World for some abstract “Fountain of Youth”.  He died without success, but if only he had been born a few hundred years later he would’ve found what he was looking for.  All he needed was to travel at the speed of light.  Dummy.

Meet me at the bar and we’ll talk about it.


NERD ALERT!  More info.




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